i want to be honest with about something.
i am exhausted. the kind of tired that comes from trying to hold too many things at once.
a full time job, a body i'm still trying to move and feed and care for, a business i'm building, and a life that doesn't pause for any of it.
some days it feels like i'm running on fumes. i show up to work. i show up to the gym, show up here to edit the website and figure out a new world inbetween a thousand other to do list items… trying to get it right.
i haven't been getting it right. i've rebuilt this site more times than i can count. ill make and edit and then delete it accidentally and cant seem to recover it. I feel myself rushing because i'm exhausted and i just want it done, and then i find the mistake, and i start again. it's been humbling. it's been frustrating. more than once i've sat back from my laptop and asked myself what i'm even doing.
but somewhere in all that fumbling, i noticed something….i haven't stopped.
not because i'm not tired, i am, deeply but because this became a place i show up for myself. every rebuilt page, every small change that no one will notice (the foot in the header hero is killing me), every small fix is proof that i kept going, and what a privilege that really is.
when i step back from the mistakes and the exhaustion, i see what's actually here: something beautiful. something i made with my own hands, out of nothing, in the cracks between everything else life demands of me. a journal that didn't exist before i decided it should. a small, lasting thing in a world that moves so fast and forgets so easily.
i think that's what i want you to take from this, if you take anything.
it's okay to be tired. it's okay to get it wrong a few times before you get it right. what matters is that you keep showing up for the thing you're building, and for yourself.
that's what bmby is, underneath everything. a reminder to slow down enough to notice what you're actually building, even when you're running on empty.
ps- it’s 5am on a Sunday and I’m on my way to the airport after spending the last few days visiting my new niece… she’s so beautiful and sweet! so proud of my brother and sister in law for what they have created.
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